On this episode of Straight Up With Stassi, Stassi is doing something for the first time on her podcast in two years: talking with a life coach. And the guest? The super popular, kind-of-a-big-deal Stefanie Ziev.
“This is so exciting because I’ve always been fascinated by life coaches,” Stassi begins. “I went to one before. Back in the day when I was way more psycho.”
A little background on Stefanie: She went from television to film, worked at Dreamworks, and went to Oxygen where she was a Vice President of Development. (They passed on the Kardashians. “We were like, ‘Who’s going to watch that?'” she recalls.) She says she loved her job but she needed and change, and got into life coaching. Fun fact? She can’t watch the show Hoarders because she’s such a minimalist and she only owns like three pairs of shoes.
You Are the Expert of You
“What is a life coach as opposed to everything else?” Stassi asks.
“A life coach is just like having a personal trainer for your life,” Stefanie explains. “In therapy terms, its probably closer to a Cognitive Behavioral Therapist just because its behavior- and mindset-oriented. It’s like when you go to the gym and you have a personal trainer and you’re really clear about what your goals are and then they create a plan with you and tweak that plan as you go so you can see results. It’s the same thing, but for your life. People often come to me for career stuff, career transition, or ‘I need to find more meaning inside of the career that I have’ or whatever it is that they want to discover or expand.”
“I went to a life coach right when I moved to Los Angeles,” Stassi recalls. “I went through a depression. I was self destructive, I couldn’t control my emotions, my parents didn’t know what to do. They tried everything. They found a life coach, and he actually helped me a lot … He gave me a path to a better way of living, almost. It’s hard to explain.”
“Did you feel like you had the wherewithal to follow that path?” Stefanie asks. “Because if you’re dealing with underlying anxiety and depression, that’s not technically what a life coach is supposed to help with.”
“I agree,” Stassi says. “It was in addition to everything else.”
“So then what was the result for you?” Stefanie asks.
“Honestly, I think I just came out of it in some way … To this day, I don’t know how I came out of it … I finally just got to place where I was like, ‘I feel really good about what you’ve given me.'”
“So, if you were to go to a life coach now, what would it be for?” Stefanie asks.
“I want to,” Stassi says. “I feel like my job is to open up my personal life 24/7, about everything, and not just being on a reality show, but also on my podcast. I promise my listeners honesty. But that hurts my actual real life. And I have a really hard time balancing it.”
“In what way does it hurt?” Stefanie asks.
“Some things I want to be private for a little while, while I figure it out,” Stassi explains. “I don’t want to get other people’s opinions while I’m figuring certain things out. And I feel like I can’t figure things out on my own if I’m talking about it or I’m being filmed about it. So I’m constantly having anxiety about certain things that are going on in my life or certain people I hang around or choices that I’m making because everything has to be public.”
“But does it have to be in public in real time?” Stefanie questions.
“That’s an excellent question,” Stassi says. “I guess technically not. I can always ask my listeners for forgiveness.”
“Yeah! I’d say you are the boss of you, and you are the expert of you, and if you need time to check in with you before you check out, then I think that’s a great model,” Stefanie suggests. “It’s amazing that you’re in this place of mass-consumption. Everyone wants a piece of you, right? But if that’s draining you or taking something away from you, or depleting you, then that’s not serving anybody. Mostly not you, but also I don’t think that people want you to suffer or to be in harms way … You have to figure out what your boundaries are and how you take that time to recharge and what you need to ask for or give yourself permission for.”
It’s A Conscious Exercise
“You have amazing things going on in your life, but who are you being?” Stefanie asks Stassi. “If you’re being anxious, that’s going to ripple out. Your listeners are gonna feel that and probably get a little anxious. If you’re cultivating freedom, that’s going to change things as well. And look, it’s a conscious exercise, we all have to practice it.”
“I’m a little bit cynical,” Stassi says. “This is me being basic… I’m like a Miranda, on Sex And The City. Just kind of cynical and negative. But it’s just my humor, also.”
“But she’s mushy inside,” Stefanie says.
“So am I!” Stassi says. “I’m a Cancer. I’m a Crab. I’m hard on the outside and soft on the inside. But that’s something that I really have to train my brain to think differently.”
“I do it all the time, I have to think about it all the time,” Stefanie sympathizes. “It is very easy to forget because we don’t ever think about it. It’s like Day 1 at the mental gym. That’s honestly how I start working with every client. I just go, ‘All I have to do is create connection with myself and others.’ I have no idea necessarily what’s going to happen, but if we lead with that, then things tend to fall into a place that feels like there’s more flow, more ease, more joy, and less anxiety and stress.”
“Are there any other exercises that you like to teach that my listeners and I could utilize and try?” Stassi asks.
“If you can create your purpose statement, awesome, do that,” Stefanie suggests. “The other thing that’s a good little pocket tool (and again, all of these take practice, this is not like magic) is if you think about a big dining room table and your whole family is there for a holiday, but now you remove the family and instead place each part of you around that table… Can I use you for an example? We have Anxious, Stressed, Freedom, Humor, Happiness, Joy…”
“Attractiveness… I’m joking,” Stassi laughs. “I do feel like I’m someone who is Self-Assured. I’m Loyal. Sensitive AF. How many people are at this table?”
“I think that that’s enough,” Stefanie says. “So, if those are the key players, the question is, on any given day at any given moment, who is sitting at the head of the table? If Anxiety is sitting at the head of the table, its the same thing about being unconscious about who is running the stuff that’s going out into the world. If Self-Assured is sitting at the head of the table, that’s going to be a very different day.”
Contact Stephanie to talk with her about you and your goals today!