Dreams Suck Ass

dreams suck ass - stassi schroeder - alex stafford - kristen doute

On this episode of Straight Up with Stassi, Stassi is joined by Kristen Doute and Alex Stafford to discuss their worst nightmares and their best dreams.

Dreams suck.

“Stassi is about to tell you about a dream she had last night, and what did I text you yesterday morning?” Kristen asks Stassi. “I told you that I had the worst nightmare of my life. I had a nightmare within a nightmare and it was crazy. I’ll explain it to you.”

“Yeah, explain your nightmare first,” Stassi says.

“Within my dream, I didn’t realize that I was still dreaming,” Kristen says. “I woke up on the floor of my bedroom and I was trying to move and yell for Carter. The nightmare ended with me being dragged by my feet through the woods, like a horror movie trailer. Then all of the sudden, I thought that I woke up and had fallen off my bed, so I’m laying on the floor, and I try to move, but I’m paralyzed. I’m trying to yell but there’s no voice coming out. Nothing’s happening. I’m sure it was 20 seconds but it felt like 10 minutes later, I actually woke up and I’m laying in bed and nothing is wrong. It was a dream within a dream.”

Inception!” Alex says.

“Yeah, it was gnarly,” Kristen says. “So anyway, I texted Stassi about this because I had taken some prescribed Xanax…”

“Oh, fuck that, let’s be real, it was Mexican Xanax,” Stassi says. “We just got back from Mexico.”

“I was like, ‘Stassi I haven’t taken Xanax in a while and I took the tiniest amount and I had this gnarly dream…'” Kristen says. “She was like, ‘I don’t know, I have nightmares all the time so I can’t really help you.’ Cut to this morning, she was like, ‘I have to tell you about my dream!'”

“Wait, but I am someone who hates, despises, when people tell me dream stories,” Stassi explains. “Katie always tries to tell me about her fucking dreams. I’m like, ‘Yo, I don’t care because it didn’t happen.’ I only want to hear things that are real. I doesn’t count because it didn’t happen.”

“But in my mind it did!” Kristen says.

“It counts because dreams have meaning,” Alex adds.

“Okay, I get that argument,” Stassi says.

“Dreams are a reflection of your subconscious,” Alex says.

“But also, sometimes, you might have just been Googling something right before bed and part of what you Googled is in your dream,” Stassi argues.

“So were you Googling La La Land before your dream?” Kristen asks.

“Just wait for it,” Stassi says. “But I wanted to preface it with the fact that my friends know I get annoyed if they pick me up to go somewhere and we’re in the car and they’re like, ‘OMG I had the craziest dream,’ I’m like, ‘Oh my God, I’m going to throw myself out of this car.'”

Stassi goes on to explain her own dream:

“I woke up this morning and I’d never been so happy/depressed to realize that something wasn’t true,” Stassi says. “Like, I mean, this was the realest dream ever and it was so fucking bomb that I’m like, ‘I don’t want to live anymore.’ I sent this text message to Kristen, Alex and Rachael. Kristen was like, ‘I’m in a bad mood.’ I’ll read you the text I sent her: ‘It’s okay. I’m depressed as fuck already because I just had the best effing dream I’ve ever had in my life that me and Ryan Gosling were co-starring in a movie in Australia and everyone kept saying we had better chemistry than Emma Stone and we did a really good job together and now I want to kill myself. I legit remember thinking in my dream, ‘Everyone who hates me on Vanderpump Rules is going to be so jeal because I’m killing this shit on this movie.’ Apparently Gosling and I have undeniable chemistry and Eva Mendez is fucking up my shit. So yeah, I already woke up depressed.'”

“How come you get to tell YOUR dreams to other people?” Alex asks.

“Trust me, I’m aware of the selfishness,” Stassi responds. “It wasn’t a romantic dream. We didn’t hook up. The way that I felt after this dream, you would have thought it was the most intense sex dream ever. I was so fucking happy and thought my life had been made. It was like improv… they told us to abandon the script and make up the lines as we went. We were doing that Melissa McCarthy shit. It was almost like a Judd Apatow movie and it was like, ‘Oh my God, we have the best chemistry together, I found my fucking calling, life is good.’ And then I woke up and realized that I still don’t have central A/C.”

 

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