On this episode of Straight Up with Stassi, the guest that Stassi endlessly campaigned to have on the show (for a whole fucking year, mind you) is finally here: Emma Roberts.
“We’d end up like Death Becomes Her on Bourbon Street.”
The ladies start the show off by professing their mutual love for New Orleans (where Stassi is from and Emma lived while filming American Horror Story and Scream Queens). Emma says that she was amazed that after getting out of work at 2am, she and her coworkers could still go out for drinks afterward.
“The bars don’t close until the last person leaves,” Stassi explains.
“New Orleans is Disneyland for adults,” Emma says.
The pair agree that they should totally go to New Orleans together, but if they did, they’d probably never come back.
“We’d end up like Death Becomes Her on Bourbon Street,” Emma laughs.
Later on, Stassi asks Emma, “Were you always really funny?”
“When people meet me, they’re like, ‘You’re a lot nicer, a lot funnier, and a lot shorter than I thought,’” Emma explains.
Emma jokes that she’s actually an adult in a child’s body.
“My sister is 15—and we have different dads so maybe that’s it—but she has humongous boobs, she’s six feet tall, and she has long, brown luscious hair,” Emma says. “And I have like, brittle hair that sticks up in the morning, and I’m two feet tall, and I have no boobs. It’s very unfair.”
Emma once took her little sister to a bougie sushi restaurant, and when Emma ordered sake, they carded her before bringing her 15-year-old sister a cup, assuming that Emma was under 21 and her sister was over 21.
“Do you know how lucky you are though? That is such a blessing,” Stassi says. “You’re going to look hot forever.”
“But here’s the thing with acting that’s a problem: My whole life I’ve been told, ‘You’re too young, you’re too young, you’re too young,’” Emma explains. “And then the other day, they were like, ‘You’re too old for that movie.’ And I was like, ‘I’m 25.’ And someone said, ‘You’re going to be playing a young mom soon.’ And I was like, ‘I haven’t even gotten to play 25 yet! Now you’re already making me be a young mom?’”
But that’s what Emma loves about screenwriter and director Ryan Murphy, she explains.
“I would see him at events, and he’s friends with my aunt Julia—”
“Ooooh, my aunt Julia!” Stassi taunts (because, you know, not everyone can say that their aunt is Julia Roberts).
After a laugh, Emma continues: “So I knew him through that, and he gave me the opportunity on American Horror Story and Scream Queens, and he gives you roles based on the role. All of the characters don’t even have ages. He’s like, ‘Here’s the general idea, but more importantly, here’s the character.’ And he’s one of the only people that do that. People get fixated on age so much… So I love that about him, that he’s just like, ‘Look, I wrote this character and I see you for it, and oh, P.S. they’re kind of in college or something.’”
“I think that the show is loosely based off of your diary.”
Emma goes on to tell Stassi that she was absolutely thrilled to be given the role of Madison Montgomery on American Horror Story: Coven.
“Well I thought that was my favorite character on TV of all time,” Stassi says of the role, “and then all of the sudden Scream Queens comes out and I’m like, ‘Did I just orgasm? What the fuck? This is a TV orgasm.’”
“Well I’m pretty sure you could sue us because I think Chanel stole your diary,” Emma says. “I think that the show is loosely based off of your diary.”
“I’m dropping the mic. No compliment will ever live up to that, so I might as well just be shot dead right now,” Stassi says.
Emma suggests that Stassi should be on the show as a Chanel character, and then get murdered.
“Fuck yeah!” Stassi says. “Listen, I was just in sharknado…”
Later, Stassi asks Emma about the types of roles she tends to play.
“Was this your schtick growing up?” Stassi asks Emma. “Was this the character that you’d play around with?”
Emma basically says yes. Back when she auditioned for the Nickelodeon show, Unfabulous, she had to come up with three original characters off the top of her head and film skits with them. She created a character named Lulu from “Lulu’s Movie Reviews” who was a mean movie reviewer who dressed in a 50’s outfit with cat-eye glasses and a furry pen, and ripped movies to shreds. Her other character was a mean waitress who would purposely mess up people’s food.
“Oh, so, it was me?” Stassi jokes.
“Yeah her name was Stassi,” Emma says.
“So yeah, all my characters were kind of mean,” Emma explains. “My mom would be like, ‘Is it okay that everything you think is funny is also the meanest thing in the world?’ But also, I was raised by adults. I didn’t really like hanging out with kids. I was always around my mom and her friends, and she’d have fun parties and put me to bed and I would just end up sleeping on the stairs because I wanted to eavesdrop on the party.”
Emma says that she has always had an adult sense of humor, which never went over well at school. Her mom was always getting calls about Emma saying inappropriate things in class.
“So basically, my mom raised one evil child and one good child,” Emma jokes.
“I choose jobs based on whether I can drink during them.”
In case you were wondering, Emma and Lea Michele are best friends and whatever rumors you hear about them fighting are never true. And, if you want to be friends with Emma and/or Stassi, if you don’t get sarcasm, don’t even try.
The ladies also get to talking about reality television and how Emma feels she could never be on a reality show. Stassi says that she thinks it’s fun to be the most dramatic version of herself. Emma jokes that she overreacts all the time because she’s been acting since she was a kid.
“I’m like, ‘My reactions are written for me, I don’t know what you want me to say,’” Emma laughs. “I only know how to scream when I’m in peril, I don’t know how to do anything else.”
“You guys are really good at screaming,” Stassi says.
“Sometimes we fake it because we lose our voices, so we fake scream and they put it in after,” Emma explains. “Sometimes it’s take #27 and you’re like ‘I am screamed out, I’m hungry, I need a coffee—’”
“Or a cocktail,” Stassi adds. “I choose jobs based on whether I can drink during them, so there’s that.”
If you’re curious about what Emma’s life is like while she’s filming a show, she’s basically just Charlize Theron in the movie Young Adult, falling asleep fully clothed after work, face down on her bed with reality television blaring in the background.
Emma’s all-time favorite outfit from Scream Queens was from the launch episode—a blue Chanel-imitation suit, like out of Cher’s closet from Clueless. She said it totally got her into character right away. The fabric was definitely not breathable, though.
“I was like, ‘So much for feeling like the hot, cool girl when you’re blow-drying the sweat off my armpits in between takes,’” Emma says.
And just in case you needed more evidence that Emma and Stassi were always mean to be best friends, both Stassi and her mother and Emma and her mother call each other “Bridge” aka Bridget Jones from Bridget Jones’ Diary. So yeah, Emma Roberts + Stassi = everything.