The Police Bust Stassi

On this episode of Straight Up With Stassi, Stassi regales us with her tale of the time her laptop went missing and the police showed up.

“I apologize for not getting a podcast to you last week,” she says. “The police had something to do with that.”

So here’s the thing. The other week, Stassi ran into her neighbor, who suggested a wine night, which turned into a full-blown apartment complex party.

“One glass of wine leads to more than a few glasses of wine,” she says. “People are going in and out of the apartment complex, we’re all having fun, and then someone brought a guitar out. That’s not my thing…”

After explaining her distaste for guitar-led sing-alongs at group events, Stassi continues.

“So we all stop the wine night eventually, I go upstairs, start working on my podcast outline, start responding to emails, doing my shit on my phone,” she recounts. “The last time I was in my apartment was when my neighbor came over and said, ‘Let’s have wine’ and I was on my computer. I shut the computer and went outside. After like 40 minutes of being up here in my apartment on my phone, I’m like… ‘Where is my computer?'”

She looks everywhere. It’s nowhere.

“I tear my whole apartment apart. I turn it upside-freaking-down.”

She texts one of her other neighbors: “I think somebody stole my computer. I can’t find it.”

“I started to think that maybe my dogs were playing tricks on me,” she jokes.

After her neighbor helps her look, and her neighbor’s sober boyfriend helps them look, she starts to panic.

“I start crying because I’m like, ‘Oh my God, everything I have is on my fucking computer.’ All my photos, documents, things I need, it’s all on my computer, and I don’t back that shit up,” Stassi says. “I’m like Carrie Bradshaw in that episode, remember when her computer died and she didn’t back anything up? That’s me. You would have thought after spending my adolescent years watching Sex and the City and seeing that episode 15 times that I would have maybe learned to back something up. But, no. Not only can I not back up my ass because it’s flat, I haven’t backed up my computer.”

Ultimately, they decided to call the police. They come up, ask her a bunch of questions, look around.

“Finally… this is the kicker. I walk out to the police officers and I’m like, ‘Listen, people know me, okay? I just got like a million followers on Instagram. I just hit a million, and I’m on a television show, so if someone steals my computer, there’s a lot of photos and things in it, so you need to take this seriously.'”

As she says this and the police are staring at her, her neighbor’s sober boyfriend says, “Oh my God.”

“I’m like, ‘What?'” Stassi says. “At that point, I’m thinking, ‘I know he found my computer but right now I’m hoping he didn’t. In fact, I want it to be lost forever because this was so fucking dramatic that now I’d rather just go down in flames.’ You know?”

She turns around. Her computer was underneath a notebook on her coffee table the whole time.

“We ripped my whole apartment apart but we didn’t even think to look right in front of my face, on the coffee table,” Stassi says. “Where my computer is supposed to be, and where it always is. It was right there. Underneath the notebook. And he found it as I was talking about hitting one million followers on Instagram.” Cool.





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