Stassi is in a Mexicoma

mexicoma - stassi schroeder - rachael obrien

On this episode of Straight Up with Stassi, Stassi and Rachael O’Brien are live from a romantic resort and spa in Mexico — and in a mexicoma.

“Mexicoma”

“Without getting into too many details because I’m not here to shit on anyone (publicly), I am single. Again,” Stassi begins.

“But not ready to mingle because there’s no one here to meet,” Rachael jokes.

“Rachael and I decided I’m just going to start telling the story and once I get through an hour, or 45 minutes, you’re going to have to tune into Rachael’s podcast to hear the rest of it. It’s a two-parter,” Stassi explains. “So, last week, Patrick and I were able to get off work this week. This has never happened, other than maybe three years ago when I was living in New York. We went to Punta Cana. Besides going home for Christmas and little vacations here and there, we have never been able to take a true, romantic couple’s vacation.”

“And you still haven’t,” Rachael laughs. “Sorry, I had to.”

“So I found this out and I’m like, ‘Okay, I have to plan this in one night.’ I planned a romantic as fuck vacation,” Stassi says.

“We have a private pool on our deck,” Rachael says.

“It’s meant for couples to have sex in,” Stassi says. “I’m staring at it right now and I feel like I’m going to kill myself and throw up. I still can’t believe I am here in this situation in the most romantic fucking room in the most romantic resort… Anyway. So I plan this trip for Patrick and I. I had spent the week trying to fill up his love tank in every love language.”

“What is his love language and what is yours?” Rachael asks.

“Mine is affection and his is words of affirmation and acts of service,” Stassi answers.

“Great, so exactly what you did. Okay. Continue,” Rachael says.

“We get into an argument on our anniversary that he did not remember,” Stassi says. “Our four year anniversary — granted, we broke up for a really long time. We met four years ago on that day.”

“You mentioned that he had a very big work thing that was very exciting for him, and you wrote him the kindest letter ever,” Rachael says.

“The love letter of all love letters,” Stassi says. “So, we get in a fight. Just like any other fight we’ve ever gotten in. Nothing new happened to where I would be broken up with and jilted a day before our Mexican vacation for our anniversary that I only remembered. When I reminded him of our anniversary, he goes, ‘Oh, that’s sweet.’ I didn’t even get a fuckin’ daisy. Not even a weed. What did I get? Broken up with and told that he’s not coming on our Mexican vacation that I already prepaid for. So I’m like, ‘Huh, I have less than 24 hours to figure out what the actual fuck to do.”

“And you gave him a lot of options,” Rachael adds.

“I gave him time, I said, ‘I’m going to give you a few hours, I know you don’t mean this, I know you’re going to regret this,'” Stassi says.

“Which he will,” Rachael says.

“So I start going crazy, mindlessly sobbing, taking mad amounts of Xanax to calm down,” Stassi says. “And I’m like, ‘Rachael, I need you girl.'”

“Around 1:00pm she texts me saying that I might need to go to Mexico,” Rachael says, “and by 3:00pm I have a ticket.”

To hear about the rest of their Sex and the City-esque adventure, listen to the full podcast now! 

Tequila got me like….

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